Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
