If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
