you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
