yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
