Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
