woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
