Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
