I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
