i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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