listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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