i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
