haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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