You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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