The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
