i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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