all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
