i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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