Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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