can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
