i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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