to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
