went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Still dying that you shit outside
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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