How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
