Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
