Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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