Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
