I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
