Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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