bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
