Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
