So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
When did angry sex become our thing?
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
