saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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