Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
