She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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