I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
