I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
