Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Im part way to drunk.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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