Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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