hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
