Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
