I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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