nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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