im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
