Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
