I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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