my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You ruined the universe
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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