You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
okay pat passed out under dana's car
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
