Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
My feet surprised me
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