She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
