She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
