I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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