Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
