Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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