He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
